Hopeless Romance

I have often been accused of being a hopeless romantic. I have never argued with that; in fact, usually I embrace it. Who wouldn’t? I grew up on movies like most in my generation, and that has heavily informed our ideas of what romance should be, what relationships should look like. You should hop the plane and fly from Seattle to New York on Christmas Eve, or crash the New Year’s Eve party in search of that woman who has been in front of you all along, or spend years looking for that stranger who left her number inside of a random copy of Love in the Time of Cholera.

But the thing is, as I got older I realized that stuff isn’t really romance. As we experience life more, as the reality of living not just with yourself but with another person sets in, we soon see that there is more to love and romance than those early dreams of Soul Mates and Serendipity. We have to leave those childish things behind and look for a more “mature” love.

Sadly, I have come to believe that true love is loss. Someone said that to me years ago and I guffawed at the notion; but now I believe she is right. If you ask the average person what the most romantic story ever written is most will reply Romeo and Juliet. What happens to our lovebirds in that story? Mutual suicide. Shakespeare wrote many romantic comedies with a happily ever after for the heroes and heroines, but we weep for the tragic romance of love struck teens doomed by circumstance. And how many of this generation stood in line multiple times to watch Leo die for Kate in Titanic? Every one of them will tell you it is the most romantic movie they have ever seen. And I can give you hundreds of examples of songs considered romantic that are about loss of love. Just watch the opening scene of High Fidelity to see what I mean.

Even in Christianity you see this trend. The Bible tells men to love their wives the way Jesus loves His church (His “bride”). Jesus DIED for the church. The Savior came and gave hope to His followers and then was crucified. Sure, He rose from the dead and promised to return, but that was over 2000 years ago.

And I believe that is the answer. Romance is about the longing. All those movies that we fell in love to, it was a shell game. They gave us the beginning and said it was the end. But no one lives happily ever after. The couple dies at the end of The Notebook. We see their beginning and end, but not anything in between.

A dear friend of mine and I had a conversation tonight and this is what I can tell her. The love is in the in-between of everything else. Happiness can be found there. If you can hold on to it, do so with everything you’ve got, because in the end we all die. We all lose.

Romance is hopeless.

Open Letter

Dear Zooey Deschanel,

Elf made me crush on your cuteness. Now I can say that I love you. Thank you, “New Girl.”

That is all.

Observations from the Snowpocalypse

Now that global warming has caused a massive winter storm from Texas to New York, I thought I would share a few things about my fellow man and his reaction to thirty six hours of inclement weather.

For the last week the news has been warning us that central Indiana was going to become a scene from The Day After Tomorrow. Or, to steal from “South Park,” the day after tomorrow will look like The Day After Tomorrow. The forecast called for an ice storm, followed by a few hours of light sleet, then another twelve hours of an ice storm, followed by four inches of snow. Stock up, they said, and prepare for massive power outages and catastrophic damage from ice and wind! Prepare for a return to the stone ages, only with cell phones and turtlenecks, and movie theaters that should be closed but aren’t!

So I decide to venture out and pick up a loaf of bread, because I am out. I am a bit crazy, not because I’m braving the weather, but braving the grocery stores. I can’t believe all of those people actually watch the news and listen to the forecast of Snowmageddon. Wal-Mart was closest, but I would have had to park three stores away. The parking lot looked like Black Friday. And there were big signs posted that said, “WE ARE OUT OF BREAD”. So off to Kroger I go.

Kroger is normally pretty empty, making me often wonder how it even stays open. But the lot was packed. The ice had really started to come down by then, and it really did look like people were trying to outrun a cold front. There are no carts available, but I only need a loaf of bread, and maybe some milk, so I don’t really need one.

Inside it looked like a scene from Zombieland. People were dashing around fighting to get the last cases of bottled water, bread, milk, batteries, and beer. I decide that I would rather get hoagie buns and maybe pick up a bit more lunchmeat. Make some Dagwoods or something. And as I’m looking at what people are buying I just start laughing. Not only are they cleaning out the bread, batteries, and beer, but also milk and juice. Now, I get that to a degree, because those are staples. But one guy had NINE GALLONS of milk. Really dude? Just how long do you think this 36 hour storm will last? And if your power goes out, what will you do with NINE GALLONS of milk?

Then I see the other items: frozen pizzas; frozen chicken breast; frozen vegetables; raw hamburger; you get the idea. Not one of these people were bothering to buy, oh, CANNED GOODS. If you think you’re going to be without power for an extended time, WHY ARE YOU BUYING THINGS YOU HAVE TO COOK OR MICROWAVE?!?!?!? I mean, surely not all of these people have their own generators. What do they think they will be cooking all of this stuff with? And I get to the lunchmeat section, and it is full. Not that lunchmeat will stay good for very long without power, but that’s when you put the stuff outside, right?

Anyway, people are rushing around buying all sorts of things that won’t help them during a power outage, and then they start assaulting the clerks, trying to find out where the Ice Melt is for their sidewalks. Now, I’m no genius, but don’t you think waiting until the storm has BEGUN is a little late to be looking for ice melt? And the clerks are too busy helping the people who go to the self-service lanes to ring in the two BASKETS of stuff they are buying to help the Ice Melters. Someone needs to explain to these people that the self-service lanes utilize WEIGHT to determine the groceries, and that you have to be able to place all your stuff on the SCALE that the bags sit on. But that just seems to be too complicated.

Fast forward a day, and the ice has coated pretty much everything. The roads aren’t as bad because INDOT did a fairly good job of prepping for the storm. But for some reason people feel like if they don’t have work or school, it’s a vacation day and they want to go to the movies. The county has declared a state of emergency and I have to keep people out on the roads so someone can get their Nicholas Cage fix. Fortunately, though, I work for a sane company who looks out for the well-being of their employees and we were able to close early.

And I spent the drive home thinking about the poor souls stuck at home, making frozen chicken breasts, drinking milk, and watching Snake Eyes for the thirtieth time…

Blog Blanks

I was amazed at the response my last blog received. It received over 100 hits in three days, which is a LOT for me. So I have made a commitment to myself to blog regularly. The plan is once per week. Additionally, in order to build a readership, I have all but eliminated politics from my blogging vocabulary. Well, not really, but I will have to be REALLY fired up to post a political blog.

Samantha always encouraged me to write humorous posts, because for some reason she thinks I’m funny. I can be funny, but not when I try. I usually make people laugh inadvertently, like during spontaneous conversation, or when I take my pants off.

But people like humor, so I figure that’s a good way to build a readership as well. I have to tell you, trying to find a good topic from which humor can be mined that a disparate group of readers will relate to is hella-hard. Let me just give you a rundown of the topics I considered for this blog:

• What I Learned from Seven Years of Marriage, Part 3: IN 3D!!!!
• What I Learned from Seven Years of Child Rearing, Part 1: Fart Jokes Über Alles
• What I Learned from Seven Years of Child Rearing, Part 1: Kids Kinda Suck
• How to get Fired from a Movie Theater in Five Easy Steps, or What I Did Last Friday Night
• Fitness Hell, or God’s Twisted Sense of Humor
• The Funny Thing about Crohn’s Disease
• Alzheimer’s Jokes I Tell My Dad Every Time I’m Home
• The Cleveland Cavaliers
• MSNBC’s Ratings Now that Olbermann has Quit
• My Bank Account

So I am throwing this out to you, dear reader. What do you find funny? What do you like to read blogs about? Send me some of your thoughts. You writers in the audience—how do you get past the writer’s block and find new topics about which to write?

Now that my readership numbers in the tens of…tens…I KNOW you will all rally together and send me some guidance on this!

Confessional

As pretty much everyone reading this knows, 2010 was a completely tumultuous year in my life. No part of it was left untouched. Not all of the changes ushered in were bad, but they are nonetheless painful. I am not naturally a person who enjoys change to begin with.

What I have taken from all of this change has been that life is nothing but a continuous battle. It is a battle of choices. We all want to make the choices that are best for us. But human nature is selfish, and is inclined to take the path of least resistance to the conclusion that will give us the most immediate gratification. And in this world it’s always easy to make the bad choice and damn hard to make the right one.

I have undertaken the battle of sustained, permanent weight loss today. It is a battle I have lost many times before. But the trials of 2010 have, I think, made me a different soldier for this fight.

I am also fighting many other battles as well. I have been wronged by people, and I am fighting to find forgiveness when human nature is screaming for vengeance; I have wronged others and am fighting to find a way to atone for my selfishness; I am fighting to be a better father, a better friend, a better leader, a better mentor; I am fighting to be a better man.

So I will make these public declarations.

To you who have wronged me, who have hurt me, who feel you have something to atone for: you are forgiven. I cannot hold any grudges or ill will. There is no place for that now. There are too many other parts of my life that need my attention. I felt the pain, I fought with the anger, but that has no place inside me. There is no room. Do not carry any guilt with you, because it serves no purpose. You are in my prayers.

To those I have wronged: I am sorry, and I ask your forgiveness. I have been working on saying “Sorry” a lot less, as it has been pointed out to me that I say it a lot, and the apology is usually not necessary. So I do not say this lightly. But I do ask for your forgiveness. I have been letting the selfish side of me rule. I have let circumstance be my excuse, saying that so much has happened that I deserve a little selfish happiness for once. But that is not true. It only brings more pain and sadness in the long run. And to one of you in particular, we will find the balance we are looking for. I have not given up the search. I hope you have not either.

To my new church family: you have truly been God-sent. You have been my friends from the moment I walked through the doors, and I feel at home. It seems as if I have known you all forever. I strive to be more like you every day.

To my old friends: thank you for never forgetting me. I have not done the greatest job staying in touch over the years, but am trying now. We have been reconnecting one by one, and I remember why I was friends with you in the first place! Now I just have to figure out why you want to bother with me…

To my family: I love you all.

And for those who read my blog for the political ranting, sorry to disappoint. Maybe the next blog will be back to that. But I doubt it.

The Cost of Health Care

Congress made much ado about the ever-increasing costs of health care during the debate over the Health Care reform act or whatever they called it.  You know, the bill that Nancy Pelosi said they needed to pass in order to find out what’s in it?  Well guess what I found in it?

Basically my taxes are going up already. See, it’s open enrollment time for those of us still fortunate enough to have a job, and one of the benefits I take advantage of is the Flexible Spending Account for health care costs. For those who don’t know what that is, it is a pre-tax deduction from each paycheck that goes into an account specifically used for medical costs, like co-pays and prescriptions. It also can be used for a lot of other items like over the counter medicines–aspirin, NyQuil, cough syrup for the kids. In fact, most of my usage is on medicine for the kids.  The maximum election allowed in my plan is $1500 which I would Max out every year. It is nice to have and also reduces my tax burden $1500 each year.

But this year I will not be maxing out my election. I may not even use it at all.  Know why? Obamacare eliminated the ability for me to use my flex account for OTC medications in 2011. Now instead of knowing I have a card that can get medicine for my kids no matter how tight the budget is for that month I will become part of the crowd that must decide between food and medicine for the children. And my taxable income goes up to boot.

Way to help out the middle class, you out of touch congressional d-bags.

So if this bill was supposed to help everyone have access to health care, how does eliminating this provision help? Can someone please explain this to me? Or has Congress still not read the bill?

The Price of Intellectual Honesty

MSNBC suspended half of the Wonder Twins yesterday (the Wonder Twins being Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow for anyone outside of the 800,000 Americans who occasionally tune in to MSNBC). He apparently donated to three political campaigns without approval from the network, which is against their policy.

Now, understand how hard it is for me to write this sentence, but I think this is a load of crap.

I understand that the company has a policy and they are applying it uniformly, and I applaud them for that. I applaud them for setting in place policies that try to make their news network look unbiased, no matter how ridiculous those claims are to anyone with an objective eye. Still, the policy is in place, he violated it, and he is suffering the consequences.

But we live in America, people. The political process is one of the most important parts of the freedoms laid out for us by our Founding Fathers. I don’t believe any American citizen should be prohibited from participating in the process, whether that’s working for a campaign, running for office themselves, or writing a check. More people need to be involved, and that’s a huge problem in our country. We need to figure out how to encourage more people to participate. So thank you Keith Olbermann for taking part in the democratic process. And, in your case, the Democratic process.

On the flip side, this news makes me giggle. Olbermann is such a pretentious, condescending jack-hole that I love watching him suffer for his own hypocrisy. See, Mr. ESPN spent a lot of time blasting Rupert Murdoch for contributing to the Republican Governors Association. Notice in the clip that Keith turns to the head of Media Matters, one of the most left-wing “media watchdog” groups in existence (funded by another foreign billionaire, George Soros). This would be like Sean Hannity criticizing MSNBC for bias and then turning to Brent Bozell of the Media Research Center for commentary. I believe it’s called “preaching to the choir,” Keith. But this is what Olbermann does. He spends his show each day trying to point out how evil the right-wing is in this country and then ends the show with a diatribe that is usually the funniest bit of angry comedy on a daily show. It’s like he’s trying to channel Lewis Black but takes himself seriously.

Let me ask one other question here: why does it matter if these people donate to political campaigns? I know people will say that news programs should be unbiased, but I can’t really give you any example of an unbiased news network. Isn’t it better to have these companies and news people donate openly and proudly, therefore allowing us to KNOW their political leanings? This issue with Fox is only an issue with Democrats because Fox news is watched by more people than the other news networks combined. And I think every one of those people are right-leaning to begin with. Anyone with any sense knows that Fox News comes at you from the right, MSNBC comes at you from the left, and CNN is like the independent voter in this country–generally slightly left-leaning in a social context but has a lot of right-leaning tendencies. They at least attempt to be a news organization and not a network of commentators.

There are countries all over the world that don’t have an “unbiased” media. They have the state controlled news, the opposition news, and everyone knows the POV when they buy the newspapers. We have virtually the same thing here (except our news organizations come from the “left” and “right,” not “state controlled” and “opposition”); the difference is we want to pretend there is objectivity where none can be found.

Stereotypes Anyone?

Just went into Starbucks to get a coffee. Seven people with laptops. Six were business people working on their web based Microsoft Office products. One was scruffy, unkempt, and apparently unemployed. Guess which one of the seven was using a MacBook?

Bad Late Night Poetry

The silence in the new place is unnerving.

I can hear myself think four days a week now,

and frankly my thoughts are too loud.

They scream over one another, vying for my attention,

and getting jealous when I give that attention to another thought.

Certain thoughts,

the bigger ones that require intense

individual

attention, get louder than the rest,

probably to try and make their points.

They are irrational and obnoxious and perplexing;

they consume my mind when I turn to them.

They know how to press my buttons, and push me into whatever mood

or emotion they desire.  They don’t care

about my well-being, my mental health,

or my physical needs.  They taunt me with thoughts I try so very hard to suppress,

jumping out of the cages I thought to be secure. 

Some days I can cage them up again, but sometimes I run with them,

my own emotional Wild Rumpus,

although I am not Max, King of the Wild Things, but just a child

trying to be as noisy and wild as all the others,

and failing at that too. 

I scream “I’ll eat you up!” at no one in particular,

because there is no one around. 

And the new place screams it right back at me 

Knowing that the silence will.

Political Brief

Just read an article in which a Nevada woman’s obituary asks the people of Nevada to vote against Senate majority leader Harry Reid in lieu of sending flowers.  Nice.

What I didn’t know was that Reid is a Mormon. He is a member of the LDS faith.

In order for everyone out there to be intellectually honest I fully expect all the leftists who blasted Mitt Romney for his faith to equally blast Reid and work hard to throw him out of office in November.

And all those people who use Glenn Beck’s membership in the LDS church as proof that he’s lost his mind (I’m looking at you, Olbermann and Maddow) to equally excoriate the Senate majority leader.

Gotta love the hypocrisy in politics. Especially when you add religion to the mix.